I AM a doctor! June 23, 2013

I am running an unlicensed nursing home. I work full time here. Unpaid. No time off for bad behavior. One cat has kidney failure and needs subQ fluids given in a drip. Another has a thyroid disorder which currently is controlled by medicine which takes constant monitoring and blood checks to make sure we are actually controlling the thyroid and not killing her liver and/or bone marrow. One dog needs medicine to control anxiety and another to prevent bladder stones, to which he is prone and has had two surgeries to correct already. The other dog is essentially worry free, though she gets painfully constipated and needs help and watching. Then there's the old guy. He has no conscious language left. It no longer stops him from discourse efforts of course, but he makes absolutely no sense. And he has no idea what language means when he hears it. He no longer can safely do anything at all for himself. Wiping his bottom, washing his hands, brushing his teeth all require someone else's efforts if germs and dirt are to be cleaned away. I remain mad as hell about him, partly because he looks like my husband, and I can't stand that my husband is now some kind of pathetic dork. But also I think anger remains my safe go-to emotion rather than the screaming grief that actually consumes me.